Distressing a garment really fast

Sorry, no pictures of my complete DragonCon costume yet. I'm not done with the bag, plus my photographer has vanished from the face of the earth (or at least the part of the earth with cell coverage). So here's a quick tutorial on how to distress a garment--in this case, that jacket I dyed.

I actually dyed it three times total, none of them very well, and it ended up an uneven brownish-gray. There are splotches of darker color in the back that are very obvious, so I can't wear it as part of a polished costume. But I was thinking of only wearing my full costume on Saturday at DragonCon, and coming up with a simpler, toned-down costume for Sunday.

The idea I had was more dieselpunk than steampunk, with a grimy, oil-stained jacket over crop pants, corset, and a bright top, with my old beat-up leather boots and a pair of lace-trimmed socks. It might have worked, too, except that I'm not the right shape. For the most part I'm happy with the way I look, but I'm also very aware that women are judged by appearance, and the outfit is not flattering on me. This is an outfit for a younger, skinnier woman.

But I digress. Here's how to distress a badly-dyed garment.

1. Try to send it through the reel mower's workings. It won't go through, but it will get a bit rumpled and grimy if, like me, you never clean the mower's blades.
2. Use the tail of the shirt to rub the top of a rusty, gummy oilcan.
3. Hang it over a chair and snag it several times with the screw poking out of a block of wood that you just happen to have on hand.
4. Try to cut it with a really rusty old pair of loppers that aren't sharp anymore. They will put a few small holes in the cloth but mostly they chew at it.
5. Try to cut it with a really dull boxcutter.
6. Cut it unexpectedly quickly with an X-acto knife.
7. Poke holes along the edges of the big X-acto knife gash with an awl, and use the holes to sloppily lace up the hole with a leather cord or an old bootlace.

That's what I did. The lacing looks particularly good, I think.

I'm sure I can use this jacket for an outfit sometime in the future. Heck, I may wear it Sunday after all, but with jeans instead of the brown pants that aren't flattering. But so you can see what I mean about the outfit, here's a picture of me in it. Sorry, I didn't have my boots on.